The Experiment

People in blog world, today I was part of a clinical study. And not because I am clinically insane. No, no. The study shows how contact lenses fit, and how the shape of our eyes (in micro sense) determine the appropriate fit for our eyes.

I don’t wear contact lenses, and apparently my eyes are more than a 20/20 vision. In other words, I was utterly useless in the study, but I went in and got my ten bucks anyways.

You know, I will be the first to admit that I don’t get check-ups regularly. I don’t see the doctor as often as I should. And I personally hate the smell of probable death around me. However, in my few years of living in this peculiar world I have never encountered the — “Cold Doctor” until today. The “Cold Doctor” is usually a medical person who is so engulfed in their work, that they act like robots and don’t treat you like a person.

There were two of them, today.

The first was a woman. She took down my information and made me sign some forms in case I died in the process, my family can’t sue — that kind of stuff. The second doctor was the one doing the research. He had an accent, but smiled a lot to make me comfortable. They were both relatively young.

I sat there in his office, while he projected images in my eyes and examined my cornea…or whatever, I don’t know what he was doing, but the little house on the prairie kept appearing and disappearing. It was really annoying, but that was the point. He noticed my torso stretched uncomfortably, so he lowered the table. I said, “Thank you.”

He said, “Sure.” And we both laughed gently because it was awkward, etc. etc. etc. However, our little interaction caused some attention down the hall where the female doctor sat at her desk, where I last saw her.

Now Reader, you must know that as writers we can sometimes be inspired by the smallest details. My inspiration had a dry spell these last couple of days, but this was too juicy to pass. So I tested my theory (we writers think we’re unofficial psychologists) and decided to ask him to lower the table a little more. He did. I said, “Thank you.”

Again we both laughed awkwardly. I swear, it was like an interaction between a little boy and his pet rat. Lab rat, more like it. But the sound of us laughing triggered some loud coughing down the hall…from the female doctor.


I imagine that she is in love with the optometrist sitting next to me.

This was confirmed (in my sick imagination) by her coming towards the room with a phone in her hands. “You have a call from Dr. ______, she wants to know if you are finished with the ______.” He took the call abruptly. The person on the other line must have been very important.

The lady doctor lingered and looked at me. while she waited for the phone. I don’t know what she thought we were doing (awkward laughing is all). I mean, she managed to creep up right as I was sneaking in a butt scratch (while the male doctor looked away). It kind of confirmed my suspicion.

After the study was done, the male doctor went back to his study typing up some numbers on his computer. The female doctor walked me to a separate room, and informed me of my perfect vision. I sensed a taste of disdain in her delivery. Then we went to the front desk, and I got my money. I am a picky writer, and I needed to test one more thing.

“Excuse me,” I asked her, “is there a website or a place where we can see what this study is being used for?”


“Oh, well…is there a presentation of the study-”

Another doctor responded, “Yes, he is going to present in a couple of weeks!”

“That’s great! Can participants attend?”

The lady doctor looked at me with suspicious eyes and spoke, “There is no website for the study.”

“Well, thank you for your time.” I said.

I may have been their subject, but doctor love was the experiment.