Forgetting to love

Hi Blog Land.

I am having a bit of trouble getting my characters to fall in love, or to display “real” love…between “real” people. I don’t know if this is because my relationships have been precarious, or if it’s because I am currently riding on a different wavelength from my partner. We are going through a nasty hump, but it’s nothing to be dramatic about. We are both aware of it and just allowing each other to express the apathy that comes after being with someone for over six year. Ugh, you smell! Ugh, walk faster! Ugh, ugh, ugh! You know what I’m talking about; trivial situations that don’t really mean anything. Or at least don’t really amount to anything that means we are horrible people. Passive aggressive, yes. Weird, yes. Unwilling to grow up, definitely.

My poor characters meet in high school, and they have a child during their last semester. Although I know someone who’s gone through this situation –what I’m really having trouble is, getting into the mind of my male character. Why? Because he also will also enlist in the army. I have interviewed two veterans in this process, and quite frankly the military experience is a sensitive subject. Aside from there being a lot of different titles in the Army, there are also some topics that were really uncomfortable for some of my subjects. I wonder if this is the character I must let go of. It hurts me to say this, but he might be. Or maybe I can work more on my lead character, and focus on him afterwards. Right now, they’re not gelling.

They always end up in some argument in my head, or some dramatic situation that causes my character to do something extreme, which frankly doesn’t fit my current style.

Maybe I’m afraid to go there.

Well, we’ll see where it goes. If you have any good suggestions about the development of love – please share. I have a good idea of my experiences, but sometimes it’s good to get some feedback outside of my personal circle. Ugh, this feels like the time my male acting teacher stood in front of class and asked me to imitate his sexy walk. Apparently, I sucked at being a sexy woman. My life!


Back to people watching and eavesdropping.


Applying for Jobs

Reader, I am sure you have applied for a job before. Question: (ahem), when in your whole life has applying for a job  been a wonderful experience? Never, right? Let’s be serious. It’s tedious, you have to tell a complete stranger how great you are, and that you like to work like a mule, and etc. etc. etc. What if you’re really not that great? I don’t think anyone is, really, I mean—we’re not flipping robots! We put our best foot forward, and sometimes our best foot is not everyone’s cup of tea. I mean, what if you’re just like — “No, boss woman/man, I am not going to freak out! I am going to work in a timely manner and have peace all around me because I do not want to die from an aneurysm or heart attack by the age of 55. Thank you very much.” But it seems like the pressure is on for a lot of people. It seems like, at least for those of us who are re-entering the work field after a couple of years, that you have to do the work of three in order to stand out. Or at least, pretend like you are.

Maybe I’m being pessimistic, though. Maybe there are a few people out there who love updating their resumes, maybe they love writing cover letters, and maybe they enjoy the interview process. It gives them a high…maybe.

Overall though, times are tough right now (Cliche 1). You don’t have to be a genius (Cliche 2) to realize how bad things have gotten for many of us –as workers, as students, and as people in general. I mean, how do you sell yourself on a piece of paper?! What do you tell these gods of hire, that will make them think — “Oh yeah, this one is THE ONE.” I feel like I’m embarking on an adventure, except this time it’s to decide what I’d like to do for the next 2 to 5, heck 10 years maybe. And that’s a little frightening.

I remember being sixteen and feeling invisible/unstoppable. Like I could write “super-hero” on my resume for fun, and still get hired. Now, I am tentive, timid and frightened. What if they don’t like me? 

I know there are a bunch of helpful sites on how to make your resume great and all, but still there is this tinge of fear that goes into what I write on a page. I wonder if someone’s ever looked at my resume and thought, “Well, clearly, she made that up!”

Evidently, I have some growing up to do. For now I will write a paragraph, insult myself, and push my hair on my face because that’s what I do to hide from my computer. Today is such an OATMEAL day. It’s like I have to start all over with my computer now…

Dear laptop,

I thought we were friends…etc. etc. etc.