Recently someone said to me, “You look like a mom.” He was commenting on my baggy t-shirt, my sweat pants, and my hair bun on top of head. The subtext of that comment was, “You look like sh*t,” and “You’ve let yourself go.”
What the frack?
First of all, I was home alone having a glass of wine, and vegging out. What is the point of being comfortable at home, if I don’t get to wear my oversized t-shirt and sweatpants? It’s just a must. Last time I checked, I am allowed to do whatever the heck I want while at home. Secondly, you came to my house to talk about being a booty call, and you’ve suddenly decided to attack me in the process? Thirdly, how dare you put down millions of women out there who — you know what — are TIRED AS FRACK after a long day with their children, with their house hold chores, and with their stuff that involves them being moms. How dare you, sir? It’s almost Mothers Day for crying out loud.
No smart-ass, I’m not a mother. I am a frumpy writer. This is my life! Sometimes I spend a weekend with nothing to do but type on the computer, and it’s inevitable that I will start looking like a pre-Jenny Craig commercial with bags under my eyes and coffee breath. It’s called obsession. No, no, no—it’s called passion. Passion for writing (and collecting data on youtube while drinking some vinito). I like to write until the wee hours of the night, so sue me.
Reader, this person (who shall remain nameless) meant to insult me. He behaves this way so that I can CHANGE my ways, or BETTER my style. Whatever the heck that is supposed to mean. Well, as derogatory as the comment was meant to be, I’m going to take it as a compliment. And here’s why:
1.) Mom’s give up their bellies to carry you for 9 months, birth you (check out youtube videos of birthing you ungrateful son of a queen), and let you bite their sensitive boobs while you breast feed.
2.) Mom’s don’t mind their kids’ poo smell.
3.) Mom’s aren’t afraid to tell you to eat some humble pie every now and then.
4.) Mom’s are irreplaceable. For women, they are our first frenemies. Good training for future gal pals.
5.) Mom’s try to fix you up with people—it’s almost always a bad idea, but God love them for trying.
6.) Mom’s feed you A LOT. No matter how much weight you gain, you can always hear the “You look too skinny” speech.
7.) Mom’s put up with a lot of sh*t. Period.
So next time you come to my house, and interrupt Friday Wine Night to tell me “You look like a mom,” I will say “Thank you.” And I won’t respond with a confused look to my face. However, I will probably follow it up with “And today, you look like a booty call.”
❤ Happy Mother’s Day Readers! ❤ <—(WARNING: This is an intense CHEESEBALL moment of mine)