Ego

“If you let go of your ego, you can be a hero.” My Dad said this to me once.

I was raised mostly by my father. I sympathize more with the male point of view because of it. It’s just the way I grew up, I suppose. It has taken me a while to trust and let women into my life: as friends, guardians, teachers, etc. etc. etc.

However, I recently made friends with this dude who I thought was super nice. Ugh, trust. Something I already struggle with, but I gave it to him. Maybe I gave it too fast. The friendship seemed familiar; as if he was like a family member, almost. This guy ended up being destructive and bizarre. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love destruction. I love bizarre things. I love weird, in general. I am not here to judge upon those things. As long as it’s not hurting anyone else in the process. I’m talking about petty stuff, not world changing kind of politics. Personal things. Things that should probably be discussed in person, kind of stuff. It seems that this guy doesn’t care who he hurts along the way. He just wants to be RIGHT.

I will confess (another confession) that I, myself,  dream up the weirdest things sometimes. Fantasies, fairies, and farts kind of stuff—as I’m sure you’ve noticed, Reader. I like to write about interesting people I meet. People with strange qualities — and most of the time it is because I find them so fascinating, so absolutely interesting, that I might consider writing about them someday. Sometimes my imagination takes over. Sometimes a word can trigger a world. I like to watch, listen, and write. Write what I know, and what I don’t know.

However, having this conflict with this guy allowed to to reflect upon myself as a person–as a writer. I am upset and confused by the situation. Because frankly, that’s the way conflict works. It’s usually a THING (ephemeral), and not a PERSON. This is just my opinion.

Let it go.    I could hear myself say inside my head.

Ego. 

Ego is flawed. 

It was blurred, you see. My ego, his ego — the conflict. Miscommunication breeds conflict. I understand. I sat eating some yogurt and releasing some negative energy that has been haunting me for the past week. Especially this B.S. about miscommunication. There are better things to focus on. Bigger problems in the world. Than this crap friendship.

So here’s my numero uno lesson to myself, something I borrowed from Mister William Shakespeare…

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

It sounds simple, but man…how hard it is to sit still and let things be. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is never here, and today is all I have. Today I chose to let go of my ego. Everything is fantasies, fairies, and farts in the end. Ephemeral. Might as well smile and let it be. Such an OATMEAL kind of day.

Yet, he would make a great existential character in a short story.

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